Daisy Snapdragon

ONE WEEK?!?! WHAT?!

Bear with me for a moment, por favor. I’m going to freak out for a little bit.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh jiopeon;aicvpaoindv ni;aa;owinfdskf;oan;ocivan;soinf;woenf;alkc;aoin;eskrna;ivn;socdifn;aoiwenfwdknv;akcnv skdnf;alisnf;osdkinf;aldsk

Okay… I’m a little bit better now. It’s just that school starts in a week. THIS IS FRIGHTENING! Where has my summer gone? I’m terrified.

For the past I don’t know how many summers, I’ve spent the whole summer reconsidering myself and my attitude and my image. And by the end of the summer I’ve decided on the person I’m going to be for the next year. I have one week left and the only thing I’ve come up with is that I’m going to be more disciplined and do what I have to do even if I don’t like it. I’m determined to always try to do what’s right and not what’s easy.

HOWEVER! I haven’t changed my style, my hair, my clothes… anything. So that means I have no idea what to expect of myself in the coming year. I don’t know how I’m going to act, how I’m going to treat people, how I’m going to view life. I’m mostly just along with the flow. Which is okay I guess.

So I’m afraid for myself. Okay. We got that part. But I’m scared for my relationships too. Me and Sierra have spent nearly every day with each other this summer. That’s all going to change once school starts back. I’m afraid that we won’t be as close. There’s virtually no time to talk during the school day, especially since we have NO classes together. And there are people at school who like to steal her away from me. What if they succeed again? What if last year repeats itself? What if…?

And then there’s Brad. We used to be best friends until last year and he changed so much. He got new friends, new clothes, a new attitude and he left me behind. Will we become friends again? Will he be the same?

I just have no idea what to expect from anything. And I normally have some kind of idea but this time I’m completely and totally clueless.

All I know is that I’m going to be incredibly, annoyingly, amazingly, mind-blowing-ly busy. Work every afternoon after school except Friday. and believe me, every Friday will be spent with the most amazing person ever. Whether we go to a football game, a movie, or just hang out, we WILL be together.

So, now I’ve vented about all my fears. I think I feel slightly kinda not really better about life. Thanks anyway for your time.

…=]

xoxo, Daisy

It’s Impossible to Sneeze With Your Eyes Open.

What is your favorite Kool-Aid flavor? Black cherry

Do you have a wireless keyboard and mouse? i have a laptop…

 Last sporting event you watched on tv or in person? France play China in soccer/football

 Who makes the best fudge? the Amish

 Do you like it when toothpaste bubbles in your mouth? I like a little foam, but not so much that it gets all over my mouth and i feel like a rabid dog.  

 Do you believe that the world is gonna end at 2012? I really hope not. 

 How many songs are on your iPod or MP3 Player? um… a bunch. 

 Have you ever made your own survey? No…

 Can you swear inside your house? It’s frowned upon 

 Do you save Bed Bath and Beyond coupons? No… i don’t like that store. 

 Have you ever had a pet goldfish? Yeah… but it died.

 When did you last eat waffles? I don’t know, but I bet i was at my nana’s house.  

 What is the most overrated thing in your opinion? Use of the word ‘random’…

 Do you have a video Skype account? pshh no.  

 What color is your bed comforter? black and white 

 Does being in love make you gain weight? I wouldn’t know. but i would think that in my case being in love would make me happy and when i’m happy i eat less… but when i’m stressed/depressed i eat less too. When I’m normal, i guess that’s when i get fat. So I should never be normal. I don’t think I’ll have much of a problem with that.  

 Dumbest person you know and why? I don’t associate with dumb people…  

 Do your parents have home videos of you as a kid? well of course. I was a cute kid. Who wouldn’t video tape me? 

 How old is your oldest cousin? my oldest first cousin would be either 17 or 18  

 If you HAD to get a tattoo, where and what would it be? Uh… I would get one of those pulse things… like on heart monitors.  

 Do you think Obama has tried drugs? Idk maybe 

 What color is your bra or boxers? I’m not wearing a bra. ;) 

 What is your favorite radio station? I prefer CDs 

 What ethnicity was your last ex? liar 

 What brand is your refrigerator? uh… I really don’t know. Maybe Energy Star? 

 How many people do you know that are pregnant? 3? I think 

 Do you have a picture with your middle finger up? I don’t think so. That’s kind of slutty, don’t you think? 

 When is the last time you went to a birthday party? Well my birthday party was a few weeks ago. So mine.  

 What is the best thing to happen to you this year so far? Sierra. 

 How long have you lived in the house you live in? nearly 13 years. 

 Do you read a newspaper daily? no 

 Anything you’re really afraid of? spiders, growing up, losing my best friend, change. 

 Do you read tabloids? It depends on who they’re about. 

 Have you ever had a really bad haircut? yeah 

 Do you like your peanut butter crunchy or creamy? Depends on what I’m using it for.  

 What is the scariest movie you’ve ever seen? The Ring 

Have you ever ridden a skateboard? not really, no.  Do you drink enough water on a daily basis? I think so.   Would you burn the American flag for a million dollars? probably, honestly  The main thing you cant leave your house without? clothes… like, on my body.  Do you think the economy is improving yet? I think maybe. Or it was until the stupid oil spill  When was the last time you read a book? i’m reading one now. Just because you’re illiterate doesn’t mean we all are.  Where did you get that shirt you’re wearing? i borrowed it from my nana and i never gave it back. =/

 

Do you play pranks on April Fools Day? I try…

Did Tumblr change colors?

Just wondering. I thought it was a different color… Like, something brighter than grey. Not that I have anything against grey. I rather like it, but it I just always thought it was… idk blue or something. Or maybe orange. Purple perhaps? Anyway, someone let me know. Did Tumblr change colors? Anyway, I have another question… How do you spell grey? Do you spell it with an ‘a’ like grAy or with an ‘e’ like grEy. I like grEy, personally.

Do you think that future serial killers start out with animals? Like, when they’re younger they kill animals for sport and find it amusing. And then they mature to humans. Because I totally know this chick who killed a chick. Like, a baby chicken. This girl killed a baby chicken. It was still in the egg and she just kills it and puts the picture on Fb and is laughing about it. Do you reckon she’ll be a serial killer one day? Perhaps someone should intervene before she goes completely psycho.

I don’t think this little blog is going anywhere. Like, I seriously doubt it is. I’m just saying the first crap that comes to mind. OH I was watching Zombieland today and I think the funniest part was when Columbus was talking about that lady and she dropped a piano on a zombie’s head and he’s like “poor flat bastard.” It frickin cracked me up!!

I think I liked Zombieland better than The Hangover. And the only reason I’m comparing those two is because those are the ones I borrowed from Genea. But Sierra didn’t like The Hangover. And She never watched Zombieland. I guess it’s good that she doesn’t like them. I shouldn’t like them, I mean they’re rough movies. IDK but they were funny.

I need some denim shorts.

I need some sandals.

I like Sanuk.

I also need some new leotards.

IDK which to buy first.

Okay. This isn’t going anywhere. I think I’m just going to go now. But before I do, I want to make a shout out to my bestest friend in the whole wide world Sierra Paige! I love you dearly!

xoxo,

Daisy

The Fuel to My Fire…

… is missing. Now ain’t that a cryin’ shame?! Now, before I go on and tell you what I mean by my fuel being missing I want you to know that this is extremely hard for me to do. Not sure why, but it’s really hard to come up with something to say, even if I know what I want to talk about. So…

I’ve lost my passion. Like… my aunt and uncle’s passion is music. And my cousin Claudia’s passion is acting. And Sierra’s passion is cooking. Mine used to be dance, but it’s not anymore. I mean, I LOVE dancing, but it’s not my passion I don’t think. As in, I’m not going to make a career out of it. And then I thought maybe law would be my career, but I’m not sure about that anymore. And I was so set on going to Vanderbilt but now… Now I don’t know what I want to do. Maybe I’ll go to a community college. Maybe I’ll go straight to Birmingham Southern or UAB or something. I just don’t know anymore.

Now I’ve been through this before, but it never gets easier anytime I go through it. I just hope that I don’t keep doing this my whole life. I mean, right now I’m really into fashion and stuff but… I just don’t think I could make a career out of that. I would really like to just find something and stick with it. I wish God would point me in the direction he wanted with my life and keep me on that track. Or maybe I just keep getting myself off track. IDK THERE ARE SO MANY OPTIONS!!! I’m not good with decisions.

SHARON! I’M SO CONFUUUUSED!

Here We Are

So… here we are at the end of yet another school year. Let’s reflect back, shall we?

This year hasn’t been the greatest. Actually, it’s sucked. I went through a long time period where I felt alone and deserted and isolated. The past year has almost been one big ball of stress. BUT! it hasn’t stayed bad. I’m happy to say that I’m ending it right. Most of the friends that I managed to drive away have come back and they even brought a few more with them. So it’s turning out to be alright after all.

I don’t mean to completely change the subject, (yes i do) but isn’t it amazing how two people can be so perfect for each other? Like, two completely different people with completely different personalities can fit together so well. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle. I’m a jigsaw puzzle but the problem is, I have this weird, funny shaped hole that no one else seems to fit. They may fit for a while, but they just won’t stick. It would take a special kind of person, shaped just the right way, to to complete me. And the beautiful thing is, I’ve found them.

And no, it’s not some stupid boy with a dumb beard who leads me on. Or another stupid boy who dumps me and then comes out of the closet. Or this other stupid boy who dumps me for the popular crowd and shatters my heart into a million pieces.

It’s my best friend. And maybe I’m her missing piece too, I don’t know. All I know is that she fits. Somehow she manages to pick me up when I fall, put me back together when I fall apart, hold me up when I can’t stand. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but she fills in my gaps. And I have lots of gaps.

But I have a feeling that if she was someone else’s best friend, they may not feel the same way I do. That she was made to be my best friend and only my best friend. Like those plug-ins that can only go in one spot.

Maybe you think I’m weird. Maybe you’re thinking, ‘how on earth could a best friend be that important.’ But if you had one as great as I do, you would understand.

So maybe this year hasn’t been the greatest. But at the end of the day I can still call Sierra Paige my best friend… and that’s all that really matters.

White Tea and Ginger body lotion

Where were you 3 hours ago? Hmm idk. Possibly the same thing I’m doing now. Or maybe riding home from Amory. idk.

Who are you in love with? No one really I don’t think.

Have you ever eaten a crayon? No, but I did lick the glue off my fingers once when I was a young child.

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yeah, but very little. I’m actually surprised there’s not more pink, considering it’s one of my favorite colors.

When is the last time you went to the mall? Last Saturday

Are you wearing socks right now? Nope, but I wish I were.

Does your family have a car worth over $2,000? Probably?

When was the last time you drove out of town? Today.

Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? No, unfortunately.

Are you hot? Temperature wise? No, I’m actually kind of cold. Looks wise? Smoking.

What was the last thing you had to drink? Dr. Pepper

What are you wearing right now? A white camisole, an American Eagle hoodie, penguin pajamas, and my undergarments of course.

Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it? The car wash.

Last food that you ate? Pizza!

Where were you last week at this time? Probably the same place I am now. Well, for the most part. I probably wasn’t sitting at my desk, but I was probably in my room. I was most definitely at my house.

Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? Not since last Saturday.

When is the last time you ran? Oh who knows. Not in a while, unless it was to catch up to someone or to chase down a small child or something.

What’s the last sporting event you watched? A softball game maybe? And that was a while ago.

What is your favorite animal? Doggies probably.

Your dream vacation? Depends on my mood. Sometimes I want something nice and relaxing. Sometimes I want something exciting. I just want to see things I’ve never seen before.

Last person’s house you were in? My nana’s.

 
Worst injury you’ve ever had? When I was little I twisted the bones in my arm. But they popped them back into place and I was fine. Hmm other than that would probably be the ankle problems I’m having now.

 
Have you been in love? Oh yes.

Do you miss anyone right now? My best friend maybe. And Lorelai. And my pawpaw.

Last play you saw? Hamlet

What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? My witty charm and blinding good looks.

What are your plans for tonight? To talk to Sierra and read my book and go to sleep.

Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment? hmmm… Sierra maybe? I haven’t gotten on MySpace in a really long time.

Next trip you are going to take? Idk. The trip to school tomorrow.

Ever go to camp? I went to GA Camp. And Mfuge.

Were you an honor roll student in school? Yep yep

What do you want to know about the future? Not a thing. And don’t get me started on my future theory.

Are you wearing any perfume or cologne? Well I was wearing Viva la Juicy, but it’s probably worn off by now.

Are you due sometime this year for a doctor’s visit? Yes, actually. I have an appointment for my ankle in June. And I have a dentist appointment sometime.

Where is your best friend? At her house.

How is your best friend? Good I hope. I care about her well-being.

Do you have a tan? I’m working on it.

What are you listening to right now? My computer hum. And me typing. Typing is a cool sound. Especially if one is typing fast.

Do you collect anything? Not exactly. I used to collect porcelain dolls and they’re still sitting on my shelves. And I used to collect spoons and they’re still hanging on my wall. Nothing really anymore though. Except pointe shoes. And that’s not an intentional collection, I just don’t like to throw them away.

Who is the biggest gossiper you know? Leslie Suddoth. or Courtney Pope.

Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over? Well, I never have while I was driving. But I was in the car when my mom got stopped.

Have you ever drank your soda from a straw? Yes.

What does your last text message say? “Watch her be unusual tonight”

Do you like hot sauce? No. Unless they’re on greens.

Last time you took a shower? This morning.

Do you need to do laundry? No, we did it yesterday. We meaning my mom.

What is your heritage? one half American. one quarter English. one quarter Greek… well, Cypriate.

Are you someone’s best friend? Oh yes.

Are you rich? not really. Maybe on the grand scheme of things. Rich is subjunctive.

What were you doing at 12AM last night? either talking to Sierra or sleeping. Or reading…

You Probably Don’t Want to Read This One

So now everything’s out in the open. I know everything. Well, most of everything. And I know that I was right, that I wasn’t paranoid. But I just want you to understand how awful it was. I was so convinced it was all my fault because you always told me that I was making it bad. You always told me that I would come up with reasons for it to be wrong. I started believing it. I would believe everything you would tell me. I believed that I complained waaay too much. I believed it was my fault. I believed that I wanted things to be wrong. I picked myself apart trying to find every fault I had so that I could fix them so that maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t hate me anymore.

I diagramed every argument we would have and find every little place I went wrong so I could fix it for next time. 

I convinced myself that I was crap and that the reason you didn’t want to be around me was because of myself. Because of stuff I’d done.

And then you would tell me that you still wanted to be my friend and that I was your favorite… even though I wasn’t.

You said you didn’t want to tell me that I wasn’t your best friend because you didn’t want to hurt me, but I had to watch it everyday. You never told me you liked them better, but you really didn’t have to. I saw it. I saw it every single day and it drove me insane. Every time felt like you drove a knife deeper into my back.

I had no confidence and sense of self-worth. There was hardly a night when I wouldn’t stay up until midnight crying my eyes out and trying to figure out what I did. What I said that time to make you blow up on me. Where I went wrong.

I know I’ve done it to you. I’ve made you miserable and I’m sorry. And I want you to know that during all those times you were miserable there was never a day that went by that I didn’t want to be your best friend. I always wanted you as my best friend, even if it didn’t seem like it. I did.

This will sound awful, but right now, I just want you to feel as awful for doing it as I did while going through it. For just five minutes, I want you to try to feel abslutely miserable with guilt for what happened. Just five minutes. Try to understand what I went through. Imagine the person you needed the most not even wanting to be around you.

It’s going to be so extremely hard to break this cycle but I’m going to try. I could treat you the way you treated me and it be an endless circle, but that has to stop. Sometimes all I want is to put you through half of what I had to go through every day, but I’m not. Because at the end of the day, I really don’t want you to be unhappy.

At least you didn’t break your promise. You promised you’d never leave. I just wish you’d promised you’d never hurt me.

But now I’m done. I’m done being angry, I’m done laying on the guilt, I’m done crying. I’m ready now to make things the way they ought to be. With me and you BFFs and hanging out on the weekends and talking and laughing like we’re supposed to. I’m ready to forget the past and look for the future. Forgiveness will take work, but it’s going to happen. I feel confident.

It’s already started, actually.

Insert Title Here

So too emotional eh? The relationship is too emotional. Or am I too emotional. I mean, I admit I can be really touchy feely, but you have no feelings at all!! I said I’ve done lots of thinking and I’m trying to fix my flaws. How many times do I have to apologize?? I finally understand what you mean about reminding people of their faults. It really hurts. I do like to talk about my feelings. I really enjoy it. Evidently it drives you insane. But can’t we compromise? I’ll talk a little less and in exchange you can have a little more emotion. Relationships are built on compromise. And communication. So unfortunately, talking about the way things make you feel kind of comes with the package. It just has to happen. Peacefully without major fights, but it has to happen.

I would also like to say that I’m looking forward to the day when we can just hang out like most friends do without having to fight about something. I’m thinking it will get here some day.

So here’s my proposal again: I’ll try to talk about my feelings less and in exchange you can tell me what you’re feeling a little more often.

Just think about it.

A Change In Tone

It seems like here lately the only blogs I’ve been writing are about my stupid feelings and complaints. Anyone who didn’t know me would think that complaining is all I do. People who DO know me would probably back that statement up with a resounding YES, THAT’S ALL SHE DOES! Buuuuttt… Maybe I should change that. There are things I’ve been thinking about that I could talk about, but it seems like when I talk it just makes me look more and more like a pathetic loser with no life. That tag is never a good one to have. So I’m trying to shake it off. Too bad I’ve managed to superglue it to the middle of my back.

Why did I choose ’superglue it to the middle of my back’ as the metaphore I wanted to use? Well, let me explain. Superglue is really hard to get undone. That one was obvious. Middle of my back? This ones a little less obvious. The middle of your back is a hard place to reach. So if something was superglued there, it would be extremely exhausting to try to remove. Also, have you ever seen those TV shows where people tape things to the ‘loser’s’ back? And the poor kid never knows it’s there. It’s sort of the same concept here. It’s kind of hard to notice something on your back because you can’t see your back. The only way you would notice anything would be if you went looking. That’s sort of how the “pathetic loser with no life” tag has been for me. I don’t notice it until I go looking for it. And then I’m like “Wow. I really act like that. What kind of freak are you??”

The middle of my back also seems to be where I stick all my faults and shortcomings.

BUT THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT

My point of this blog was to talk about the other things going on in my life. The things that don’t spark anger and depression and any other negative feeling you can think of. SOOOO… hmmm.

Life has really been relatively uneventful. Except for The Pulse which was AWESOME. And I’m a “student choreographer” at the dance center. That’s pretty cool. I would love to be a choreographer one day if the lawyer thing never worked out. But I just don’t see either happening. Becoming a lawyer doesn’t take a whole lot of luck, just hard work.

Well that wasn’t hard. I wrote a whole paragraph about things I used to write about. Maybe things are going back to the way they were before. That would make my day.

Risky

You know, I’ve really struggled with whether to post this or not. Because I’m not trying to start anything, I just really want to get some stuff off my chest. The first and main thing is that TODAY SUCKED JUICEBOX. Like, seriously. IDK maybe you were fine, but I really wasn’t. This is going to sound sad and pathetic but I cried third period. I really did. And I was awful the whole day. Until I finally talked to you after fifth. Maybe that’s something you really didn’t want to know, but I felt like saying it.

What about you? Were you okay? Everytime I saw you you seemed happy. And I’m glad you were, even though it felt like someone took a baseball bat to my stomach. I just mainly felt unwanted. Which may or may not have been true.

I can try again tomorrow though. If you want me to I can try again. Or we could just talk at break or something. and maybe on the way to sixth. and that’s it. after school you can pretend I don’t exist. I just have this feeling that if we make it the whole week when we finally talk on Thursday it’ll be awkward. Like we’re not best friends anymore. And that scares me. Terrifies me. Not being your friend is the last thing I want because I’ll know that it was my fault. I mean, you promised you wouldn’t leave, but…

Well, anyway, I hope posting this wasn’t a bad idea. I guess we’ll see won’t we?

xoxo