The road to self-discovery is paved with… something
So 2010.
What about that new year, eh?
So the new year’s here, and I made a few resolutions…
You know, honestly, it’s just another day in my book. And people have made enough fuss over the new year already, so I think that ground has been covered. I’ve never liked new years anyway.
MOVING ON. It seems here lately I’ve felt isolated. It has felt like I’ve finally found my identity and I know who I am as a person, but no one seems to like it but me. It’s funny to me that when I wasn’t being completely myself, I had lots of friends, but now that I’ve really come to terms with who I am, all of my friends have disappeared. They haven’t abandoned me, it seems; I have abandoned them. I feel like my old friends might think I’m stuck up or prude. I’m really not, I’m just not living the same lifestyle I used to. My interests have shifted, my fashion choices have shifted, the way I view life has shifted. Shift, shift, shift. It’s like one of those slidy puzzles where you move pieces, and move pieces, until, finally, things begin to fall together and you have a vision of the complete picture, and you can see the steps that will lead you to that picture.
So I would say that right now I’m trying very hard to work on giving myself whole heartedly. By that I mean that I’m just going to put this new Camille out there completely and whoever likes it likes it and whoever doesn’t doesn’t. I’m not trying to have this “I’m going to be myself whether you like it or not” attitude. And I’m not going to say, “I don’t give a crap what anyone thinks of me.” Because truth be told, I do care. I enjoy making impressions on people, and I like for people to think certain things of me. So I DO care what other people think and say. I’m just not going to try to keep people around that don’t like me for who I really am.
At this point in time, I would like to give a shout out to my constants. My constants being the ones who have more or less stayed with me through all my ups and downs and self-discovery through the past few years. Sadie, my family, and God. These people have loved me and accepted me and comforted me and held me together and guided me and who knows what else through everything I’ve come through. And I think that that’s quite an accomplishment. Anyone who can listen to me gripe and moan and complain for hours on end, or who can stay up til 2 in the morning listening to me hyperventalate is truly a selfless person. Especially if they can put up with all my crap and still be there in the end saying, “I know it’s rough, but I forgive you and I still love you and you’re still my best friend. And our friendship is absolutely worth it all.” That’s astounding. I marvel at the thought.
So anyway, I suppose I’m done now. Right now I’m going to enjoy my next 3 free days and hopefully play in the snow. I’m really hoping I don’t have to teach dance class tomorrow, mainly because Sally called a mandatory employee meeting and I have a suspicion we’re in trouble. But that’s a bridge that I don’t plan to cross until I get there.
Until next time I presume?
xoxo
